Father's Day was always special for me growing up; my sister, my brother and I would sign a card that my mom had bought to give to our dad. Later, when I was old enough to work, I would buy a gift in appreciation of what my dad meant to me.

But today, I am celebrating my sixteenth Father’s Day as a dad. In seeking to be a better father, I have done some research and study into what makes a good dad. I wanted to investigate this organism called FATHER. I came across a chapter entitled "Anatomy of a Father," and I thought that you would enjoy its description. Here is an excerpt from the authoritative volume entitled, Fatherhood Is Not Pretty.

"The Back. Like the mule and ox, the father is little more than a beast of burden. After a full day of toiling at the office and competing in rush hour traffic, the father can usually expect to come home to the responsibilities of carrying out the trash, providing horsey-back rides and rotating the tires on the van. Such activity takes an enormous toll on the father's back, little by little weakening each of his pathetic vertebrae.

"The Stomach. There is an obscure Bulgarian maxim that states, "A man who believes himself a father, but who exhibits not the abdominal bulges of fatherhood before his temples gray, can never call himself a man." Deep, those Bulgarians. A similar sentiment can be found in the culture of the Aborigine. Loosely translated, it goes, "He who can still fit into last year's loincloth is not a family man, nor should he be known as `Pops.'" Many cultures have long idolized the fat of fatherhood, and to this day, paunch remains a major side effect.

"The Scalp. One of the most troubled parts of the father's anatomy is the top of his head. Almost all fathers suffer from a certain amount of hair loss which can usually be traced to children, either directly or indirectly. Children can directly cause this loss through the instinctive and extremely painful way in which they ride on their father's shoulders by grabbing fistfuls of hair and holding on as though they were reeling in a marlin. The father also loses his hair indirectly from children. However, it is usually the father who pulls it out as he blames his offspring for mounting bills, noise levels far in excess of the average human's pain threshold, and Play-Doh in the carpeting.

"The Nose. Less noticeable, but still a part of the father's anatomy that takes a beating, is the nose. From the day his child comes home from the hospital to the blessed occasion when his "pride and joy" shuffles off to college, the father's nose is constantly assailed by a barrage of terrifying smells. Once potty training has occurred, the father's nose must deal with incidents of car sickness, unwashed gym clothes, sweaty hair, and snacks that have been allowed to decay in the child's room." (Fatherhood Is Not Pretty. Gary Christensen, Atlanta: Peachtree Publishing Ltd. 1986).

The book is certainly food for thought. I served as a youth minister for almost ten years before our daughter was born. During that time I wondered if I was able to learn anything from certain surrogate parent relationships that I had with some of the youth. In my research of trying to learn how to become a good father, I also observed fathers in action and even reflected on the performance of my father.

But watching others be fathers is not the only arena where fathers can learn. All fathers, young and old, can discover truths from Scripture, which certainly is true of the passages read earlier. In our New Testament Lesson, our verse was included in a general discussion of values offered by the Apostle Paul to the church at Colossae. Paul deliberately extended a specific word to the fathers: "Do not exasperate your children" (NASV); "Don't overcorrect your children" (PHILLIPS); "Provoke not your children to anger" (KJV). In Greek society, adult men had free reign over their households. For instance, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause; he could have as many extra-marital affairs as he wanted and not incur any stigma. Under Jewish law, women were viewed as objects and possessions so most Jewish men treated them accordingly. Children likewise were under the domination of their parents. The supreme example was the Roman "Patria Potestas," the laws of the father's power. Under it, a parent could do anything he desired with his child. He could sell the child into slavery; he could make him work like a laborer on his farm; he even had the right to condemn his child to death and then carry out the execution. So Paul's words were very radical!

When we read this verse, we may think that it is just common sense. The effects of a harsh word last a mighty long time, especially to a person who is so impressionable. Psychologists tell us that for young children, even infants, parents are seen as their idols in a sense. It is not uncommon to hear a child say, "My dad can beat up your dad"; and while this may or may not be true, all children have a desire to know that their parents are special.

The second half of our verse tells of a possible consequence if fathers abuse their privilege of parenting. And it is a privilege to have the responsibility to be one of the chief molders of an individual's life. Sometimes it is overwhelming also. You might wonder, will my behavior affect my child for the rest of his/her life?

Listen to these words of wisdom by Dr. Dorothy Law Nolte entitled "Children Learn What They Live":

Children learn most about life from their parents. If fathers provoke their children to anger, and exasperate them, the children could lose heart. What a tragedy for anyone to lose heart! I can hardly think of a worse fate than for someone to be so discouraged that they lose heart. For you see, in biblical times, the heart was seen as the seat or the center of the emotions. We still utilize this thinking to a degree in our language. Deep feelings for someone can be expressed as "I love you from the bottom of my heart." When a boyfriend dumps his girlfriend, she says, "He broke my heart." When a movie stirs the emotions, and maybe even makes you cry, you might say, "That movie pulled on my heart-strings." Constant yelling at someone can certainly cause an individual to lose heart.

Perhaps the most famous of the books authored by Robert Fulghum is All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. One of his stories from that delightful book illustrates our verse today. "In the Solomon Islands in the South Pacific some villagers practice a unique form of logging. If a tree is too large to be felled with an ax, the natives cut it down by yelling at it. Woodsmen with special powers creep up on a tree just at dawn and suddenly scream at it at the top of their lungs. They continue this for thirty days. The tree dies and falls over. The theory is that the hollering kills the spirit of the tree. According to the villagers, it always works.

"Ah, those poor naive innocents. Such quaintly charming habits of the jungle. Screaming at trees, indeed. How primitive. Too bad they don't have the advantages of modern technology and the scientific mind."

He continues, "Me? I yell at my wife. And yell at the telephone and the lawn mower. And yell at the TV and the newspaper and my children. I've been known to shake my fist and yell at the sky at times.

"Man next door yells at his car a lot. And this summer I heard him yell at a stepladder for most of an afternoon. We modern, educated folks yell at traffic and umpires and bills and banks and machines--especially machines. Machines and relatives get most of the yelling.

"Don't know what good it does. Machines and things just sit there. Even kicking doesn't always help. As for people, well the Solomon Islanders may have a point. Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts . . . " (Robert Fulghum. All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. New York: Ballentine Books, 1988. p. 96-97)

He's right. We should have learned that simple fact when we were young--even kindergarten age--but probably the majority of us have yet to realize fully that we can break another person's spirit with words. Especially when that person is a child. Reading between the lines of our passage, Paul is saying, "Love your child. Mold that person into an individual who knows love and who knows how to love."

My remarks today have been directed toward fathers, but obviously everyone here is not a father. The reality of our society is that in a congregation certainly the size of ours, there are individuals who have grown up without a father in the home. Others here may have grown up with a father who certainly did not heed the words of the Apostle Paul and exasperated his children, namely you. Your father may have even caused you to lose heart. But today, on this Father's Day, I want you to know that your Daddy loves you.

Some of you may say to yourself, "Charles is cracked. He doesn't even know my Daddy; besides I know that my Daddy doesn't care about me at all." Well, while I may not know all of your biological fathers, I do know your Daddy. You may not think that I do, but I do. I know, I've only been around here for three and a half years, but I am certain that I know your Daddy.

You see, all of us share the same Daddy; that Daddy . . . is God. The scripture printed atop our bulletin reads, "For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as children by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:15) The Greek word Abba is literally translated "Daddy." And we have the assurance that our Daddy will never exasperate his children; nor will our Daddy cause us to lose heart. Earlier I said that in reading between the lines of our passage, Paul is saying, "Love your child. Mold that person into an individual who knows love and who knows how to love." Our Daddy does just that. Our Daddy loves us and wants to mold us into individuals who know love and who know how to love.

The passage from the Psalm stated that as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. We, as God's children, have the assurance that God, our Daddy, loves us.

On this Father's Day, celebrate the fact that our Daddy will not exasperate his children. Celebrate the fact that our Daddy will not cause us to lose heart. Celebrate the fact that even when we can't adequately communicate our love, our Daddy desperately wants to help us. After all, isn’t that what Daddy's are for?